The first writer I ever slept with stole my watch off the nightstand.

The second writer looked awful.

“Do you write full-time?” I asked him.

“No,” he said. “But that’s my dream.”

“What do you do?”

“I’m unemployed.”

“Oh,” I said.

After the fifth drink, it didn’t matter.

Harry was a great guy. We hooked up a few times. We always chatted, after.

“I’m just about finished with my book,” he said, lighting a cigarette. “Ten years of my life. Ten fucking years.”

“Yeah? What’s it about?”

He told me.

“That’s a book already,” I said. “That exact thing.”

“Is it?” he said, sitting up.

I told him I was pretty sure.

I ran to the bathroom. I brought back a paperback. Harry skimmed the back cover.

“Shit,” he said.

He lay back down. He put out his cigarette.

“Wanna go again?” he said.

“You’ll have to pay again,” I said.

“Shit,” he said.

The only poet I can remember was the one—I’m guessing he was a virgin. He paid me for anal.

“That’s my vagina,” I said in the dark.

“Okay,” he said.

Another writer I remember clearly was the guy who drank maybe fifty cups of coffee a day. He complained constantly about his depression.

“How can you be depressed?” I said. Thinking about all that coffee.

He laughed.

“I just am,” he said.

“You don’t seem depressed.”

He shrugged.

“I guess I hide it well,” he said.

Then he threw his head back and laughed.

I still can’t get the stains out of the sheets. The coffee stains.

The baby’s due in May. Fyodor, if it’s a boy. If it’s a girl, Virginia. The father’s a prize-winning Irish playwright. That’s what I’m going to tell people.

It might even be true.


Rolli is a writer, illustrator and cartoonist hailing from Canada. His cartoons appear regularly in Reader’s Digest, Harvard Business Review, Barron's, The Chronicle of Higher Education, Adbusters, The Oldie and other popular outlets.


:: more from this issue ::

Penthouse Girl

Marley Andino



For Today

Melissa Matthewson



Today I Fought the Urge

Jane Huffman



The Literary Life of My Vagina

Rolli


Gilda

Robert Long Foreman



Jazlynn

Bob McNeil



Fishing

Elizabeth Tannen


Dependent

J. Michael Wahlgren